Hansel, Gretel and ZOMBIES beats



Hansel and Gretel are kicked out of the house by their evil stepmom, who’s hogging all the limited food supply. She claims they need to get their street smarts up to par, being there’s a zombie apocalypse going down in the streets.

Hansel and Gretel make their way back home once, after being abandoned in the city, by following a trail of ammo they left. The second time, however, they ran out of ammo because they were led too far into the city.

Lost, a tall woman in rich furs offers them a delicious pizza in the middle of Times Square, and invites them in to her place to stay, where she promises warmth and food.

Her “home” is the New York Public Library. Though it’s gated off, she has the key that lets them in.

She then forces books upon books upon books into their brains– she’s actually a zombie, see, and the smarter the brain, the better the taste.

Decapitation via guillotine is her method of getting to her victims’ brains. But, the book-smart kids learn how to use such a contraption and turn the tables against her when her creepy zombie self tries to kill them.

Victorious, they make their way back home, where they find their evil stepmom has died of obesity. They live happily ever after!

NYC :: 2011

My personal top photo pics from the trip! The album can be found here. Everything was so TALL!
Here’s what I learned in New York.

  • Stand clear of the closing doors, please!
  • Every day is trash day.
  • East Coast water is DELICIOUS!
  • Sometimes people who look like they’re talking to themselves aren’t on Bluetooth– they ARE talking to themselves (or pigeons).
  • When it pours, it POURS.
  • When it’s windy, it’s WINDY.
  • Smells completely change from one block to the next.
  • The street vendors speak in an undocumented language (Especially the ice cream vendors).
  • Those that DO speak English are rare and hold angry cell phone conversations.
  • There is no 2-ply toilet paper.
  • Don’t step in puddles! Your feet will never come clean!
  • Dunkin’ Donuts needs to infest California.
  • Taxis don’t stop for you in the rain.
  • Taxis especially don’t stop for you in the rain if you’re standing at a bus stop.
  • Taxis don’t stop for you at bus stops, period.


Guggenheim